I called my student beautiful… their response changed me.
One beautifully sunny day, during a day in my former life as an elementary school teacher, I told one of my gifted education students that I thought they were beautiful.
Without skipping a beat, this bright, bold 10-year-old looked me straight in the eye and said:
“I don’t want to be beautiful. That means I’m supposed to look a certain way and do certain things I don’t want to do.”
Their response stopped me in my tracks.
We ended up having a powerful conversation, this brilliant young human and I, about how beauty isn’t just about appearances. I explained that when I called them beautiful, I was talking about their energy. Their heart. Their soul. The way they moved through the world with curiosity, compassion, and courage. That was the beauty I saw.
Years later, I learned that this student is non-conforming, identifying as they/them. I’ve often wondered if they were already carrying the weight of that truth at age 10, sitting in my classroom, when I unknowingly used a word that might have felt like a box; one they were already trying to break out of.
I imagine that they may have heard my comment as one more sign they were being seen as someone they didn’t fully identify with. That the word “beautiful” felt like a code for "feminine", and that didn’t feel true for them.
Here I am, over a decade later, still thinking about that moment.
Still hoping they didn’t carry my words as a burden.
Still grateful they spoke up and gave me the chance to clarify what I meant.
Still so deeply moved by their strength.
I'm also grateful that they have a mother who supports them fully, because not every child does. I’m proud that in that moment, I paused. I didn’t brush off their discomfort or explain it away. I listened. I learned. And I let a 10-year-old teach me something about the power of language, identity, and truth.
Today, I still think of that student as beautiful—because their heart was radiant, their spirit was unforgettable, and their truth was quietly blooming right in front of me. I carry them with me, always.
Words matter, and if someone is brave enough to challenge the words you’ve said, I hope you listen. I hope you ask what they need. I hope you stay curious.
Because sometimes the greatest lessons don’t come from the curriculum. They come from the courage of a child who knows exactly who they are, and is brave enough to say it out loud.
Before posting this article, I was able to reach out to this student, via their parent. They read the above written text and not only approved of my publishing, but actually said, “ for the longest time, from what I can remember, beautiful has been one of my favorite words, and one that I have a very complex definition of. I think in large part, that is thanks to her.”
We never know the impact that our words have on others. This time, this conversation, that I have carried with me for so long, I am so grateful to know that my words had such a positive impact.
Sending you so much love.
xo,
Jenn
